M-O-M...such a simple word that holds so much power. Contrary to what people believe, I started being a Mom the day those double lines showed up on that pregnancy test. I'll never forget that day, because we were literally taking off to Cali (the next damn day) for our 1st year anniversary trip! Whyyyyy I was prompted to take that test, I honestly couldn't tell you. Because BABY, I was ready to raise glasses of late 90s cabernets, to celebrate my 1 year of marriage! However, God had other plans and left me with a, "You thought!"
Reality of it all didn't set in just yet though. Hubby literally asked me to take a few more tests, to "see if its real" HA! And when that first appointment came around and that heart beat blared through the speakers, I had to remember how to actually breathe. It was a moment like no other; a mystery really. There was a tadpole-like thing wiggling around my uterus and I knew his name was Paxton (thank you Ma Mabel). So fast forward, full term pregnancy complete and January 2020, Paxton took his first breath of air. Oh, so now ish has gotten really really real!
Now going into our 5th month, I find myself sitting back and thinking more (as if I didn't think enough). Whether it's looking through photos, reading baby milestone articles, or just taking a moment of Mommy-time in a steaming hot shower, I look at this little guy in awe. To know that he went from this tiny tadpole to 19 week year old baby, who smiles soooo hard when Mommy says, "kisses" and he grabs my face to plant a big drooly kiss. Or coos with a grin, when he hears Daddy say, "Pax, what up King?" I find myself being more intentional with my thinking. Such as how to protect; our peace, our home and our livelihoods.
Oh yeah, that whole "mama bear" mentality is strong. I use to say I felt like Sherlock Holmes, in my thought processes, however now I feel like Holmes has nothing on me. Decoding a tiny human's wants and needs is a super power like no other; "Oh that cry... yeah he's ready for a nap." I can't even lie and say I don't amaze myself at times, as I have literally looked in the mirror and said, "Sweet Baby Christmas, I'm a Mom!" Yet, I also find myself using that same saying, to boost my ego at my low points. Yep, postpartum blues are truly a thing. But after giving myself some grace, I'm reminded that the moves I make, no longer just effect me, but my family as a whole. And although that is a great responsibility in itself, when I look into my son's big mahogany brown eyes, the lows turns into highs instantly; reminding me of my who's, whats, whens, wheres and WHYS!
This is for you our Prince! Just as I have thanked God for choosing me to be your Daddy's Wife, I also want to thank him for choosing me to be your Mommy. Despite the madness of the world, I am nothing short of blessed and promise to keep pushing forward and getting things done. As your eyes look to me for guidance and all though mistakes will be made, I promise not to let you down. Now let's talk about these diapers... will that be Huggies or Pampers?